There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
