Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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