I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
