At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
