Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
