soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize