Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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