I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
