Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
