Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
