You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
