why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
