His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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