I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I need to stop coming to work sober
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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