How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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