I wanna passion pit in your ass
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
