I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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