I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
