Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
