Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
