Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
