Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
