You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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