party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
