I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize