Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
