I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
