So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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