I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
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