His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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