he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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