I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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