Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
