I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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