careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
