Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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