She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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