He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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