My friends, they love my intelligence
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Who died my cat blue again?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize