I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize