My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
