You made me cry and you don't even care
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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