You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
