it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
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