just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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