I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
