apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
