My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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