I wish I could teleport
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
