no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
