I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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