shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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