We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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