two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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