White coat. Heels.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
