if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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