So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
