She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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