yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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