don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize