I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
