dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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