I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
