it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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