umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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