Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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