i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
