She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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