I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
