I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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