i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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