I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
